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See no evil, Hear no evil & Speak no evil

I recently read another one of those ‘heres what people with chronic pain want you to know’ articles (things people with chronic pain wanna tell you) and to me every single one is the same to me. They all say the same things and I am sick of reading them, but I still do in case someone posts something that is slightly different and more illuminating than the rest.

As far as this article goes, I understand that I wont ever know your pain and I can’t even imagine it since it is different from any sort of pain I have experienced.

I understand that bad days come and good days go faster than you wish.

And that finding a doctor that understands and can even remotely help is expensive and they are usually half a world away, so traveling is expensive. I just cant understand why it wouldn’t be worth it to go and see a doctor who has a chance of helping you. No matter if you have to sit in a car for 20hours. I feel that it would be worth it and that filling out the paperwork for these doctors would be my absolute number one priority. But, again I’m not in the situation where I have to do this, this is just how I reacted when I started having chronic panic attacks.

I also cant help but feel ignored because thats what it is plain and simple and theres no other way of putting it. Your mind is occupied. You don’t do it on purpose, but it doesn’t make it any less true. And after ignoring someone for so long and so often even the strongest of friendships wear down.

You may not want us to stop inviting you out, but after the 100 billionth time that you’ve canceled and you’ve missed so much, whats the point? I don’t see it anymore. It’s life and unfortunately it will move on before you even notice. I would love to be invited to anything at all, but again I said no one to many times and I have to live with the fact that some of my friends don’t invite me out anymore for this reason.

I am always here for people, but it becomes a point where it’s what about me and my health? I am not the type of person to just be passively involved, especially if the person closed themselves off. I am a very open person in this aspect and it hurts to lose the confidence of the person you were closest to. It has forced me to seek out other relationships where I can get this type of friendship again.

Lastly, I don’t feel appreciated one bit, and this is yet another reason I made this blog, so i could possibly validate someones feelings and they could appreciate me even if they don’t let me know.

– Samantha

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